So often I hear women say things along the lines of “I wish I had her thighs” or “God, what I wouldn’t give for her cheekbones” or “If I could only trade my ____ for her ____ I’d be so much happier”. It’s the unfortunate norm for women to want what other women have, in terms of appearance. It’s not unusual for women to base their fitness goals on having someone else’s legs/butt/thighs/arms/abs, etc. But the truth is, you will never, and I mean NEVER have her legs/butt/thighs/arms/abs, etc. Your body is your body, and you can’t change that.
You can’t change your genetics, you can’t suddenly become “long and lean”, and you certainly can’t have someone else’s body part, unless you’re part of some groundbreaking body part transplant breakthrough. And I’m not trying to be ridiculous or superfluous, but this want, this need to have someone else’s something is far more detrimental than it seems on the surface.
If you are constantly wanting something that is, in fact, impossible to achieve, you will constantly be disappointed in your outcome. And constantly being disappointed when you are putting so much hard work in (workouts, nutrition, self care, etc.) can be draining at best and downright self sabotaging at worst. Putting so much effort into something that you can’t attain (her abs), is no doubt eventually going to lead you down a path that ends at abandoning your goal. The workouts stop, the nutrition goes out the window, and now “her abs” seem farther away than ever. So you say forget it.
Until you find a new “something” that you want, and the cycle starts all over again. This doesn’t sound like the most efficient way to reach your goals, does it?
So what’s the answer here? It’s not necessarily the admiration of other people’s “somethings” that is the problem, it is the coveting. You can admire someone’s abs and the hard work it took to get them, but to want them for yourself is where this goes all wrong.
If a fit person inspires you, try to turn it into something that you can actually use to your advantage. What are the steps that you need to take to attain the aesthetic that you want? What do you need to change in order to be happy with the body that you’re in? But before you answer these questions, make sure that what you’re dreaming of is realistic and is something that you actually want. Do you truly want six pack abs? Because for most of us, that requires extreme dedication to nutrition and macros (and I’m talking weighing food, counting grams, etc. This goes way beyond just “eating right”), and also very specific types of training that may in fact be too rigorous for your body to handle. And this is for life — not just for six weeks or whenever your beach vacation is coming up. When put that way, those six pack abs don’t really seem worth it to me. If it’s still worth it to you? Go for it — make a plan, and stick with it. But do it to become a better* version of you, not someone else.
*And by better, by no means am I implying that six pack abs make anyone “better”. But if that is your goal and the you that you strive to be, than that is your better version of you.
More importantly, we can take this way beyond just body parts. The mindset behind working toward attainable and realistic goals is much more forgiving and rewarding than the one that is always chasing the impossible. While the latter can lead to frustration, hopelessness, and abandoning goals all together, the former can lead to real progress in self empowerment, let alone aesthetics.
It is beyond powerful to realize that you can do something, instead of always thinking that you can’t. It’s an incredible motivator for most people to see small steps of progress, rather than always chasing that one thing that you can’t quite get to. Chasing “her abs” will get you nowhere, since you can’t change your genetics and you certainly can’t have her DNA. But making a plan for how you can get yourself to a place, both physically and mentally, where you appreciate what you see in the mirror is worth striving for.
Forget someone else, be YOU. And if you want to (and we should all want to), be a better version of you. Your body is beautiful, and you can get to a place where you see that too, and truly believe it. It takes hard work, dedication, and realistic goals, but you can get there. You can look in the mirror and see abs that are yours, thighs that are yours, arms that are yours, and be proud of all of it because you put in the work to make yourself better. Not to have what someone else has, but to love and appreciate what you have. Doesn’t this sound more satisfying than chasing someone else’s “whatever” and never quite getting it?
Forget her. Just be you, but better.