If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

On Friday, I finally launched a Facebook page for my blog. I’ve been told a thousand times by other (bigger) bloggers that having a FB page is important for exposure and readership, I just kept putting it off, until finally I just did it.

I don’t even have much up there yet — really just a profile photo, cover photo, and a couple of posts.

And wouldn’t you know it, after a year of having this blog with no real negative, hurtful comments, I get one on my FB page within a few hours of sharing the page. The comment was regarding the fact that this fine gentleman apparently thinks I need to slim down a little. Yes, it was a fairly mild comment (as far as internet cruelty goes), followed by an “lol”. Does that mean it was a joke?

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And if it was just a joke, does that make it ok?

Is it ok to make an insulting “joke” at the expense of someone whom you’ve never met, whom you have no idea of their back story? Someone who may or may not have a history of disordered eating, or who may be struggling with body image at this very moment? Does the fact that you don’t find that person appealing give you the right to tear them down in a public forum?

Not to my knowledge.  Even if it is a joke.

Maybe I’m more sensitive to it because I’m newer to the blogging world. I don’t post a ton of pictures of myself on the blog, mostly because I don’t have them. Trust me, one of my goals for this year is getting some lifting pictures to put up here, so it’s not like I’m trying to hide anything. I’m confident in my health, strength, and physical appearance, so why is it that a silly little comment from some internet troll has the ability to bring tears to my eyes? Maybe because I wasn’t always so confident, and that girl that has always felt a little “big” is still hiding in here somewhere.

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I’m not going to draw this out because we’ve all heard it before. In fact, Tara published this post on Friday just after I got that comment — talk about perfect timing! But it’s been on my mind so I just have to put it out there:

We, as people, are better than that. We are better than negative comments over the internet that serve no purpose other than hurting someone else. I know I should just brush it off, and you all have every right to tell me just that. And I am, but the sting is going to last for a few days.  It was my first instinct to delete the comment, and then had to fight off an urge to make a nasty comment back. But what good would that do? That just puts me at his level, however low that is. What I will say is this: I am not, and never will be a small, thin girl. I have strong, muscular legs that I have grown to love. Although there was a time when this wasn’t the case, I’m proud to be carrying around a big ol’ booty, because I’ve worked hard for it.

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I would like to think that none of my readers are the kind of people who would post such comments, but just in case you ever get the urge, just stop and think for a minute. If I wasn’t in such a good place right now, that could have sent me spiraling. If I were still in the grips of the disordered thoughts that consumed me years ago, this one small comment could have ruined me.  Just remember that you don’t know what else someone else has going on, and that your comment could very well be the one that sends them over the edge into a place that no person should be pushed into. Especially by some stranger on the internet.

Don’t be that person. Be Better.

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18 thoughts on “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say…

  1. I’m so sorry you had to deal with your first negative comment, love. As much as we do not want to let them bother us, they do. I’m here for you and LOVE YOU for exactly who you are right now ❤ And if you ever change, I will still love you 🙂

    I really do wish people would think before they speak

  2. ugh i’m so sorry you had to experience that. as much as i love me some internet, it can be a really cruel place – people spout off from behind their screens and say things they would probably be much less inclined to say in person, where they would then have to be faced with the hurt in somebody’s eyes caused by their unkind words.

    you just keep on doin’ you. : )

  3. For what it’s worth, I’ve always thought it impressive how lean you look in all of your photos. That, and did you look at that guy? I looked it up after read this. He’s an internet troll. Jenn above me also nailed it – he’s hiding behind his screen bringing others down because he’s insecure. I’m kind of amazed I haven’t gotten any comments regarding my body, but I have gotten a random one here or there from crazies that are negative. I also get a slew of critiques every time I post a lifting video. People just LOVE to share their opinions…….meh. You are better than them. And stronger. And happier. And just all around more wonderful.

    • THANK YOU so much Joob! This absolutely made my day 🙂 And yeah, I took a look at that guy, which was why it was so hard for me not to spout back some choice words at him 😉 People are just plain old crazy. But thank you so much for your support, it means the world!

  4. Haters are gonna hate. Especially on the ‘net. Don’t worry about it, and don’t get into a war of worlds w/the douche, it’s only gonna fuel his fire.

  5. Thanks for sharing this; congrats on trying to network and share with more viewers as I am still thinking about whether I should myself. Last year I was personally “attacked” by another blogger who clearly had their “own issues” that they needed examine. Even though I had empathy for them it still rattled me! One negative can sometimes diminish all the good positive work we do… Don’t let the negative nelly win – I enjoy your blog, it is a wonderful celebration of life and giving!!! We don’t care what you look like as that is not the point (you look great) I imagine he guy has certain insecurities, possibly to do with his “manhood”. Cheers SWFD 😮

  6. You know what I think of this! Reading your response here almost made me cry. I know how damaging it is to have someone else criticise your body. I’ve been called ‘big’, ‘bulky’ and ‘too muscular’ before but it didn’t hurt my feelings because I’m trying to get bigger and take it was a compliment. I don’t know how I would feel about being told I look like a man though.

    But being called fat?? That would devastate me. My whole history with disordered eating began when the guy I had a massive crush on in high school said I looked chubby in a photo that was 3 years old. He then nicknamed me ‘Chubs’ and called me that every day for a year. He was joking but I was so hurt and worried that I was fat that I just stopped eating. I was already a stick to begin with, so it just goes to show how much others words can hurt.

    I wish I could meet this FB guy so I could slap him silly on your behalf!

      • I know it’s so crazy how one word or one comment can be so damaging. It’s funny too, there are certain words that I can hear without feeling bad about it. Like if someone says that I look “jacked” or “strong”, I love it and I smile for days. But if someone calls me big, it crushes me. I guess it’s just these little mental games we play with ourselves! And I’m not gonna lie, I did kind of imagine me, you, and Joob walking up to this guy like “whats up old man”…haha!

  7. People suck! 😦 I’m so sorry you got that comment. It’s not even close to being true – you do NOT need to slim down and I’m glad you’re confident enough in yourself to know that. But that’s not the point. The point is that it was rude and completely unnecessary to post a comment like that. When will people grow up and become civilized?

  8. Who knows?  I’ve seen a few of the FB ladies I follow have to slap down a few times on those who seem to get pleasure from sarcasm and nastiness.  I’m excited your on FB, but I still love to find your blogs in my Email.  

    ________________________________

  9. Just “liked” you from Wine to Weightlifting!

    And man, I don’t get blog haters!! Seriously, do people have nothing better to do? I fortunately have not had any to deal with, but bummer that you had to.

    Seriously, that pic he commented on – you look awesome! And even for those who aren’t all keen on the athletic woman build (which unfortunately I’ve seen many men haters like that); you definitely do not look like you need to lose any weight!!

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