A moment of self pity

I’m a generally healthy person. I eat relatively well, I spend a good amount of quality time in the gym,  and I take care of my overall health pretty well. I have a great job and my life is cruising along pretty smoothly if I do say so myself.  However, there are certain days when my overactive female brain makes me feel like this:

Take this past weekend, for example. While getting dressed for work, I put on a pair of pants and realized that they were just too tight for work. Now, instead of just accepting that   my recent holiday eating habits and 2 weeks away from the gym had resulted in this minor fitting issue, I went into some sort of rage blackout.

Self Portrait.

Before I knew it, 80% of my closet was strewn across the bed and I was 100% convinced that I owned NOTHING that I could wear to work that day. Logically speaking, I am well aware that a small fluctuation in weight (probably a pound or two)  is virtually unnoticeable to others, and also very easily corrected, usually within a week or so. (I’m also aware that I own way too many clothes, and of course I have something to wear). However, in that very moment when my extreme emotional sensitivity kicked in, my brain went through something like this:

WHY DOESNT ANYTHING FIT I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR NOTHING EVER LOOKS GOOD ON ME WHY ARE MY LEGS SO BIG WHERE DID THIS ASS COME FROM F*&% S#%* I HATE EVERYTHING IN MY CLOSET THERE ARE NO PANTS IN THE WORLD THAT WILL EVER FIT ME AGAIN……… and on and on in this vicious self-loathing thought cycle.

Now, luckily I have a very supportive boyfriend who is able to talk me off of the self-pity ledge, but even then, it takes me a couple of days to break out of this sort of thinking once it starts.  And I know I’m not alone here. Why do we, as women, go through this? I am well aware of the multitude of things that can cause my weight to fluctuate a couple of pounds either way: hydration status, hormones, water retention, etc. I’m a health professional for crying out loud. My brain contains a multitude of reasons why my pants may have felt too tight and lots of sensible ways to correct this. Usually when this happens, I can just toss on another pair of pants and head out the door, but every once in a while, it’s like I get sucked into this negative-thought cycle for no good reason.

So what’s the point of this post? Honestly, I have no idea. I just wanted to let you all know that yes, even “healthy living” bloggers go through this type of S— too.  We’re all vulnerable to negative self-thoughts, and as much as I like to think that I have all of the answers, I definitely don’t. I don’t have some magical elixer that will instantly give me my confidence back when something like this happens. So the question is, What do You do? How do you correct your thinking when you’re having a Debbie-Downer, self-pitying, pants-not-fitting day? I need to come up with a game plan here. Maybe next time I’ll go the Stuart Smalley route:

Note: So what DID I do to make myself better? Come Monday morning, I went to the gym and had a killer heavy squat day. Because that is what these legs are for. And Yes, 3 days later, my pants fit just fine. I guess a rage blackout wasn’t needed after all.

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10 thoughts on “A moment of self pity

  1. hahahahhahahha the lion self portrait just made me laugh out loud. also – we are SO on the same page because I just posted about having awful workouts. i’m working on new training goals AND recovering from the holidays, so my gym sessions (and my outfit selections) have been awful lately… but I made a new fun playlist, danced around, cooked a healthy dinner and got after it the next day and now I feel better 🙂 lol

  2. UGGGHHH Those days BLOW!!! Man, I wish you DID have a magical elixir to help on those kinds of days haha I absolutely dread the self-loathing and sulking that accompanies downer days like that. I do find that both reading motivational quotes and keeping a smile on my face help get me though the rough patches and come out on top, back on track to my goals 🙂 Hope you feel better soon my friend!!

  3. you silly bean… your pants OBVIOUSLY shrunk in the wash!! oh my gosh.. those days are so ridiculous. the worst is when you are WELL AWARE of the madness and irrationality (is that a word?) of it all but that doesn’t help. sorry i can’t really offer any words of wisdom.. i am just as crazy/ irrational/ loony as the next girl. perhaps a cup of tea will help. i’ll give that a go next time 🙂

  4. omg I am sooooo on the same page (day of the menstrual cycle??? TMI?? hahahaha) as you here! ahh. I’ve been weighing myself daily (cringe) for the past 2 weeks because it’s getting close to meet time and I want to make sure I’m gonna hit the weight class I want…and my weight went up 1.5lb yesterday. 1.5lb. What do you think was running through my head all day long?? It sure was not “Oh that’s just water weight, who cares?!” Ugh. I wish I could kick the negative self-talk for good but realistically I know it’s something that everyone experiences (even men! Max does it) and I’ve just got to learn to deal with it and get over it.

  5. Thank you for so openly sharing your “bad” days as well as the good ones. I have plenty of them myself – and for no good/rational reason at all. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we have to just work that much harder to keep them in check and remember how fierce/awesome/powerful we are 🙂

  6. omg been there done that. more than a millions times 😦 haha. i want to kick those days in the face. i think it’s just how our female brains are wired. what counts is that you were able to get over those thoughts and realize that them legs are for squattin’!! 😉

    and i totally LOL’d at the lion picture.

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