I don’t care if you ate too much or worked out too little.

I don’t care if you slept all day because you stayed up all night watching a Game of Thrones marathon.

All I care about is that you get after it today! I don’t care how much damage you think you did to your diet or your training over the weekend, because you know what? It’s only a couple of days, and it’s in the past. And let’s be real, you probably didn’t make that much of a dent in your training progress in one weekend. But you will, if you don’t get after it today.

Get back on track.

The only thing that will derail your training is wallowing in your guilt over how much you enjoyed your weekend. The only thing that won’t? Making yourself get up and get moving. Today.

Remember and enjoy your indulgences, but put them in the past and move on to what’s really important:  Being a better you. (Can you imagine if you were just a little bit better each day, how amazingly awesome you would be a year from now? 10 years from now? 50 years? Seriously. Think about it. Be better every day.)

Do you know what I did this weekend?

On Saturday night I went to an amazing japanese noodle bar in Portland, ME. I ate a big bowl of house made noodles, and then had some cocktails. I followed that up with a big bowl of gelato at 11 pm, and an indulgent brunch the following morning.

Good for my training and nutrition goals? Nope. Worth it? Every bite, every drop. And I wouldn’t take it back for a second. (Especially my bloody mary at brunch. Hot damn that was good). Because today I’m going to get in the weight room and get after it. In order to make good progress, every weekend can’t be filled with endless indulgences, but having a weekend like this every once in a while will set you back less than you think. And besides, it just gives you a little kick in the pants and more motivation for some hard work in the coming week right?

Let’s Go! Start this week off right? How are you getting closer to your goals today?

But like I said, I’m on the mend, and my brain is slowly starting to function again. So in all of the time I spent this week not eating or lifting, I had plenty of spare time to do some reading. Much of this time was spent on the book Wheat Belly, which you’ll remember was one of my May goals. I’ll write a full post on this book once I’m finished, but I do have to note at this point that I’m not sure if I’m learning or being brainwashed. I think it’s a little bit of both, but honestly I’m enjoying the book so that’s all that matters. Cult be damned. As I said, I’ll elaborate later, but I just wanted to let you guys know how I’m feeling about this book that everyone raves about, now that I’m about 2/3 of the way through it.

What else have I been reading this week? Check it out below. You should read them too.

Obsessed: America’s Food Addiction — And My Own - From Mika Brzezinski on  Huffington Post. Some very thought provoking ideas here, and as it’s just an excerpt from a new book by the author, I’m excited to read more!

What Does The Term “Real Women” Really Say? Truth. ’nuff said.

Do You Really Want That Cheat Day - A great piece by Neghar Fonooni from Girls Gone Strong. Strict dieting vs. just living and eating. You make the choice!

I Used To Have A Blog Dedicated To Lying About My Eating Disorder.  Humor, brutal honesty, and some serious balls. Love this so much.

Fitness: Putting To Rest the Controversies and Confusion – A post from Moon Fitness, regarding the confusion in the fitness world and why different things work for different people.

Should You Use Scale Weight As A Measure of Success?  - A great piece from Tony Gentilcore rehashing why the scale is not usually an accurate way to measure progress.

Also, this.

With that I’m off to have a hopefully un-zombie-like weekend. Enjoy the sun folks, happy Friday!

From left to right, my sister, grandmother, mother, and myself 

On this blog I talk a lot about strength, particularly in the physical sense. But there are other forms of strength that are even more important, and I don’t know anyone who exemplifies this more than my mother. No, she may not be able to bench press her body weight, heck, I don’t even know the last time she has stepped foot in a weight room, but my mother is strong.  I wanted to take today to celebrate her, because strong is not just about weight lifting or running marathons, it’s about much, much more than that.

Strength is…

…Raising your two daughters on your own, but  never letting them feel like they have any less than any other family.

My mom, my sister and I circa…. 1983? 84? 

…Giving selflessly to your children for their entire lives, often forgoing personal wants for the needs of your two little girls.

…Teaching those two little girls that beauty is on the inside, and that we are all beautiful because of, not despite, our differences.

My sister and I on a first day of school… I don’t know why I look so miserable but our mom  made us feel beautiful no matter what. 

…Knowing that we couldn’t afford lavish vacations often, but enriching our childhood through adventures in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, where imaginations could run wild and “Camping Women” could take on anything in our path.

…Guiding two teenage girls through good decisions and bad, first loves and heart break, and staying sane throughout it all.  Putting up with the very, very wrong relationship mistakes we both made, but helping us to make the best decisions on our own, and ultimately, teaching us how to respect ourselves.

….Wrestling the dog into a Tuxedo, because you know it will make your daughter smile when she comes home on a visit from college.

But isn’t he handsome? 

…Teaching two teenage girls to drive, making sure we know when the road is “TOO congested!”, and still loving us after two accidents totaling two cars. Yikes.

…Sitting all day (literally, all day, with my grandmother) outside of a financial aide counselor’s office until they finally agreed to see her, just to make sure that I would have a fighting chance of paying for college. 

…Teaching us to always cross in the crosswalk, and somehow knowing every single time when we did not. (How do moms know these things??)

…Hand-sewing years of Halloween Costumes, and always making us feel that our costumes were far more special than all of the fancy store bought ones.

I was a ballerina, Kristen was I don’t know what, maybe a princess? Whatever we were, the costumes were always made with love. And apparently pink fabric. 

…Teaching two little girls that no matter what life throws at you, no matter what obstacles and seemingly impossible challenges lie in front of you, strong women can overcome, and d’Orsay women always will. 

4 Generations of d’Orsay women, taking the world by storm. 

My mother has taught me how to be strong, and she as taught me that although life is rarely fair, it’s up to us to control how we live it. She took control of her own life years ago, and because of that she was able to provide my sister and I with an amazing childhood, filled with memories, laughter, and yes even tears (we are a family of criers, after all). I would never be who I am today without my mother and all of her support, guidance, reprimand, and wisdom. She is stronger than I can explain in a few short paragraphs, and I certainly don’t have the proper words to express how her strength has inspired me in my own life.  I guess the only thing left to say is…

Thank you, Mom, I love you!  

But it’s also often full of douchey people.

Unfortunately, this is a fact of life. But maybe all of those douchey people don’t realize what they’re doing, maybe they don’t know any better. Maybe they just need a set of rules like we all had posted on the wall in our 3rd grade classrooms.

So here is my list, my seven rules of the weight room. And these rules are not meant to be broken. Even if you can bench press your girlfriend and her two best friends in pyramid formation.

1. Wash your clothing. Especially dry fit.  Workout clothes stink. Dry fit clothes stink even more. Even if you think you didn’t get sweaty, that dry-fit shirt you’re wearing absorbed some of the sweat that you think magically never appeared. And even if you think your own home-grown scent isn’t that bad, multiply it by 10 and that’s what other people smell. Add in the constant movement that causes your scent to waft, and often close quarters of a weight room, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for body-odor-smog. Air pollution at it’s most offensive.

Late spring and summer though is our quiet time, and the past week has been gloriously calm and stress free. I was talking with one of my coworkers about it yesterday, remarking about the awesome amount of energy that I’ve had the past few days, and how strange it felt to still feel energized, even by the end of the day for the last several days. It’s especially strange, because the past several days have been spent catching up on greuling paperwork, which is incredibly frustrating for someone who is not used to sitting at a desk/computer all day every day. (Other ATs out there know exactly what I’m talking about… am I right?)

My point is this: Nothing drastic has changed over the past week or so. My diet is the same. My sleep patterns are the same. My workouts are the same. The only thing that has changed is my stress level. I’ve gone from high-stress all day every day, to seriously mindless paperwork. Stress free. And despite the fact that I’m wasting away at my computer for hours per day, my energy has skyrocketed. The only thing I can attribute this to is my lack of stress. And not only is my energy better, but I’ve been in a generally better mood, I haven’t had headaches, and my focus has improved.

Seriously, who knew stress was such a life-suck? I mean, I did, but I guess I haven’t thought about it lately. Check out this table I found from the Mayo Clinic. Looking down this list of stress effects, I could check off probably about 75% of them over the past several months. No bueno!

Source: American Psychological Association’s “Stress in America” report, 2010

I knew that I was overly stressed and I knew that I had gotten extremely, chronically tired this year, but I never stopped to think about why. I knew that I had become often cranky and irritable, and that my mental focus was starting to waver, but again, I never stopped to think that it was probably something I can control.  Of course I can’t control the fact that I have stress at work, as that is just the nature of the career path I’ve chosen. (And to be honest, what job doesn’t have stress?), but what I can control is the way that I deal with the stress in what little down time I do have.

I can’t always depend on downtime like I have now to de-stress, because quite honestly there is only a very limited part of the year that I can relax like this. What I can do is try some techniques now so that I can keep doing them towards the end of this summer once things get a little crazy at work again.

One of my goals for this summer is to start meditating regularly, hoping that improving my meditation skills will help me during high-stress times. I’m not very well versed in this yet though, so stay tuned for another post about my adventures as a beginner-meditator!  I also recently read this great article from Dr. Mark Hyman about ways to decrease stress. He’s got some great thoughts and suggestions here, and if you are an easily stressed person I suggest you click on over and take a few minutes to read it!  Deep breathing and changing the way I think are two of his tips that I might have to work on as well, as I often let my thoughts and worries spiral out of control, only leading to more stress. Decreasing this horrible cycle is a goal of mine, and something I definitely need to work on if I want to keep from getting burnt-out, which is an all too common problem in the AT world.

Do you have a stressful job or work in a high-stress office? How do you cope with work stress? Do you find that stress affects you physically? Do you meditate, and how often?

Since my life got so stressful over the past couple of months, I haven’t had any time to really focus on my training or even on taking good care of myself for that matter. So in order to set that straight, I’ve decided to set some goals for myself this month, just to get everything back on track. I don’t usually do monthly goals, but I have a little extra time on my hands this month as work is quieting down, so now is the time to really focus on me!

Lifting Goals:

• Bench 110. My original goal for this month was going to be to bench 100 lb, but wouldn’t you know I hit that goal on April 30th! Nothing like beating a goal before you’ve already set it.  As I’m moving up in the weights and try to get to that 110 though, I’m going to have to find myself a spotter. Random gym guy, hello!
• Get my squats comfortable again. I have had a lot of left hip pain while at the deepest part of my squat lately, and it left me only able to do sets of 3 at 135 on Monday. (My previous squat session I was able to comfortably hit sets of 4 at 145). I think it’s all just soft tissue related because I have really been slacking on foam rolling/soft tissue work lately. My foam roller will have to be my best friend now, and I’m committing to using it every day!
• Work out the kinks in my deadlift. I love to deadlift, in fact it’s my favorite lift, but I find myself much more comfortable with a sumo deadlift vs. traditional. I’m not sure why that is, but clearly I’ve got some ish I’ve got to work out with my conventional stance, because I don’t think I’m pulling up to my potential in that lift.

Reading Goals

• Read Wheat Belly, by William Davis MD. I haven’t had time to read anything for myself lately, but I keep hearing about Wheat Belly, and although I’m not paleo, I find myself intrigued. Honestly I’ve hesitated to read it because it seems like everyone who reads that book becomes crazily obsessed with it, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and just do it. Hopefully I don’t become one of those people  

Health Goals 

• Take my supplements regularly. Just as I’ve slacked on foam rolling/mobility work over the past month or so, I’ve completely stopped taking the few supplements that I used to take regularly: Biotin, Vitamin D, and Fish Oil. I’ll do a blog post about why I take these if people are interested, but first I need to get my butt back in gear and remember to take them every day! 
• Stick to a strict 16/8 Fast at least 3 days per week. Since my CBL fiasco, I’ve been eating around a very loose version of the 16/8 IF, although most of my fasts have ended up at 14 or 15 hours because of various reasons. If I can commit to keeping a strict fast at least a few days per week, I know I’ll feel better in the long run. The paleo portion of my health experiment is coming soon… maybe…

So that’s it for now! What about you? What are your goals for May? Are you interested in a post about why I take the supplements I do? Have you read Wheat Belly (and did it make you obsessive)?

I was in the grocery store recently, and looked down at a shelf in front of me when something caught my eye. “Calorie Free Marshmallow Dip” it said. Wait, what? I thought I misread it. So I picked it up (almost embarrassed to be seen looking at such a monstrosity), and re-read the label. Yep, I was right the first time. Calorie Free Marshmallow Dip.

First of all, who the hell eats marshmallow dip?

It was from a company called Walden Farms, which sounds innocent enough, no? It’s a farm! Farms produce delicious healthy real foods! Except for when the “farm” is really just a chemical plant churning out jars of calorie free crap. I went home and looked up this company online, which is where I found out the awful truth.

Walden Farms makes a whole slew of calorie free “foods”, including calorie free Peanut Butter, and calorie free “mayo”. WHAT THE F IS THAT?!?

Let’s explore this idea a little bit. Peanut butter is made from peanuts, which contain… ahem.. calories and fat. How on earth could a “peanut spread” be calorie free? Heck even PB2 (which I also hate) has calories for Christ sake, Which leads me to believe one thing: this is a lab creation, and is not even really food at all. Looking the nutritional information for this particular product confirmed my suspicions:

The first ingredient is water. WATER. YOU’RE BUYING WATER. Next comes some thickeners, and after that, “fresh roasted peanut flavor”. Read that again. Peanut flavor. Isn’t this a peanut spread? WHERE ARE THE PEANUTS???  The ingredient list is finished out with some sucralose (splenda) which many people’s guts are sensitive to.

Yum. Lab-created peanut flavor thrown into some water, thickeners, and artificial sweetener. Call me crazy, but I don’t call that food, in any sense of the word.

Their other products are just as bad, so don’t think it’s just the Peanut Spread.  The Mayo, for example, is made of water, some thickeners, and “egg flavor”. Barf.

The kicker comes from the description of their products though. As quoted directly from their website:

CLASSIC PEANUT SPREAD that’s smooth and creamy with Natural Fresh Roasted Peanut flavor…When making a PB&J switch from other brands of Peanut Butter loaded with sugar and almost 200 calories in just two level tablespoons to new Walden Farms Whipped Peanut Spreads and save over 600 calories when made with Walden Farms Calorie Free Fruit Spreads, “The Walden Way.”

Ok, so other peanut butters are loaded with sugar? False, if you’re buying good quality peanut butter.  And most importantly, other peanut butters are made with REAL PEANUTS, not chemically formed flavors! The sad thing is though, that some people see these products and think that because it says “calorie free” that means it’s healthy. Or that the company’s claims that you can “save 10,000 calories per month” by substituting your regular foods with their chemical-concoctions, never mind the fact that if you actually do that, you’ll end up malnourished. (And who knows if all of these chemicals cause cancer. I’m not saying they do, I’m just saying…).

The company’s tagline makes me sick too. “Eat Healthy, The Walden Way”. Please excuse me while I go dry heave in the corner. Healthy? HEALTHY? How dare they prey on uneducated consumers to believe that these products are truly healthy.

I didn’t mean for this to turn into an angry rant, but since it looks like it’s heading that way, I might as well stick with the theme. How’s this for an idea? How about we eat real foods, grown from the earth, not from a chemical company. How about we eat foods that contain nutrients that our bodies desperately need in order to remain healthy, fight off disease, and heal injuries? How about we stop supporting companies that process crap like this and get back to foods that contain proteins, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals? (Novel idea, I know).  I honestly feel that companies like this should not be legally allowed to call this stuff “food”. It’s water and chemicals, and that’s it. Shame on Walden Farms for promoting this as health food, and shame on consumers who are educated yet still buy this stuff just because it’s calorie free.

Have you ever tried any Walden Farms products? Would you buy “food” with this type of nutritional label just to save a few calories? Do you think there’s any chance that PB spread actually tastes like peanuts?

I almost didn’t publish this post, because I know that not everyone who reads this blog is from Boston, and I know you don’t read this blog to hear about how sad I am. But this is real life, and I want others out there to know that it’s ok if you feel like you can’t just move on, if you still feel fear, or if you’re just having a hard time figuring out what emotions you’re actually feeling.  After this, my regular blog posts will resume, but like I said I just had to write this to help my own healing process.

I’m having a very hard time coming to terms with my feelings about this past week. I have felt every emotion over the past several days, ranging from fear, terror, confusion, sadness, and yes, even happiness. I have been dealing with intense feelings of guilt that as a health care provider, I was not at the finish line to help. I have felt anxiety and tension while waiting for the FBI to release pictures of the suspects. Until the suspects were caught Thursday night into Friday, I felt fear walking the streets of my own city, my only solace being the armed guards at nearly every street corner. I have been terrified inside my own home, with a city on lockdown, too scared to even go out on my front porch, for fear that the suspect could be hiding near by.  I have cried more than I can remember ever crying, and my tears have been set off by emotional events such as visiting the memorial sites, as well as every day experiences like simply hearing the National Anthem.

One of my favorite spots in the city.

And although the suspects were killed and captured late this week, I can’t say that my fear has completely dissipated. I have found myself jumping when I hear sirens, tensing up when I see helicopters in the sky, and nervously watching people who are walking around with backpacks. All of this has made me feel completely crazy. Living in a big city, police sirens and medical/news helicopters are not rare sounds; backpacks are the most popular accessory in a city full of college students. Yet I feel uneasy. I feel uneasy because these two men were people who were heavily involved in our community, who literally could have been anybody’s friend, neighbor, or coworker.

I don’t like admitting that I still feel afraid, because I’ve been told over and over again that being afraid “lets the terrorists win”. I’ve been told that Boston is strong and we won’t let them cause fear in our city.  But while yes, Boston is strong, that doesn’t mean that it’s shameful to feel fear. I’m not letting them win, because I’m not going to stop living my life, but I do absolutely feel fear, and I want others to know that it’s ok to do so.

Boston’s Finest at the memorial site near the bombings on Boylston

Despite all of this sadness though, I have been actively healing. Throughout the tense and highly emotional week, there has been plenty of laughter. I’ve gone to see two movies for a little bit of escape, and have spent precious time with some of my best friends. I celebrated with my city on Friday night after suspect #2 was apprehended, and have taken time to be thankful for the BPD and all of our armed forces who have protected us so well.  I have also healed myself through movement. On Tuesday, I rode my bike around the city all day, taking in the sites, sounds, and smells of the city I love so dearly. I wore a weighted vest to my stadium run on Wednesday morning, and completed 26 sections of Harvard Stadium, pushing myself to the finish for all of those who couldn’t finish the race on Monday.

So don’t get me wrong, healing is happening. I just know that it’s going to be a long process for me.  And that’s ok. I’ve had a few conversations with people over the past couple days about how we’re all sort of supposed to move on, and it almost seems like we’re not supposed to even talk about this anymore. But some of us need to talk about it, and for some of us, the process of working through all of the emotions that surround an event like this will take a lot longer. And that is ok. Moving on doesn’t have to mean forgetting or ignoring, but simply looking toward the positive and making the best life we can out of what we’ve got. There is a lot of love in this city, and for that, I am thankful.

I ran into these two the day after the bombing, leaving a trail of chalk-drawn inspirational messages along the Charles River Bike Path. Healing at it’s finest  

Boston is One. Boston Strong. 

I was about a mile away from the finish line during the Boston Marathon yesterday, a day which is one of my favorite days of the year. For the past 10 years I’ve been watching this marathon, most years right at the finish line. Thank goodness I wasn’t there this year.  At one point this afternoon, first we got a couple of vague texts about “explosions”, and eventually news started coming through on Twitter about 2 explosions at the finish line. Confusion led to fear, and when we were having our bags checked and being evacuated from the streets, we knew that these explosions had been very, very serious.

The bombing yesterday took my breath away. It cut away the feeling of safety that I have had here for so long. Boston is my home. I know these streets better than any other city, and it is here that I feel comfortable, that I feel like I belong. Boston is where I have grown into the person I am today, and the place where I can see myself spending the rest of my life. And now, because of one unfathomable act, I no longer feel safe in this city, my home.

I spent a good portion of the afternoon responding to texts/calls wondering if I was ok, and also trying to get in touch with friends of mine who I knew were very close to the finish line. It is an excruciatingly painful feeling knowing a bomb has exploded directly where you know your loved ones might be. It’s terrifying, and waiting for those “I’m ok” phone calls and texts felt like waiting a lifetime.

I don’t understand how we have gotten to this point where there is no longer a safe place to go. We can’t go to the movies, we can’t go to school, we can’t even go to watch one of the most historical, celebrated marathons in the world. A day that revolves around an entire city celebrating strength, endurance, and perseverance has turned into tragedy and fear.

But I have no doubt that we as a city will rally together to get through this. Just yesterday, immediately after the explosions, the Boston Police Department, EMS, the Marathon Medical Staff, and civilians acted swiftly and selflessly to help those who were injured, wounded, lost, scared, dazed, or simply in need of a place to stay warm. There were some truly heroic acts, and amidst the chaos, the strength and resilience of this city remained.

But although we are strong, we are still human. Today, I am shocked, I am devastated, I am confused, and I am angry, and I am terribly sad. For these reasons, I will not be posting again on the blog this week; I need some time to move past this on my own.

So.. Until next week. Stay Strong Boston. #LoveThatDirtyWater

Today is one of the best days of the year in Boston; Marathon Monday. Instead of a normal blog post, I’ve taken today to write a letter to all of the runners who will be pounding the pavement today:

Dear Marathon Runners,

Do you know what you’re about to do? You’re about to run. 26.2 miles.

From Hopkinton to Boylston St, through Framingham, Wellesley, Newton, and Brookline, among other towns in between. Past throngs of screaming students from Wellesley College, BC, BU, and the 30something other colleges in the Boston Area (because of course all of the colleges have this day off, it’s “Patriots Day”). Up Heartbreak Hill, where you’ll want to just crawl your way to the top (or alternatively, curl up in the fetal position and cry… both are acceptable). You’ll run through some quieter areas, but for the most part the crowds will be so loud and excited that, for better or worse, you’ll hardly be able to hear yourself think. You’re about to run.

You’re about to join the exclusive club of people who have run Boston. BOSTON. The world’s oldest annual marathon, and one that is the pinnacle of many runners’ careers. Runners from all over the US and all over the world dream of running in this race, and here you are. You are HERE. You are about to run.  You are becoming a part of history; a part of a century-old tradition, and this is happening NOW.

And I’ll be somewhere in Mile 25 eating handing out Swedish Fish to those who need a little glucose kick (and maybe throwing back a mimosa or two). And for that, that makes you better than me (for today). You have trained your butt off, you have logged countless miles throughout a long, cold winter in order to get ready for today. You have dedicated your weekends to long runs and your social life has taken a back seat to the pavement. For that, I applaud you. Whether you’re an elite, a weekend warrior, a war veteran, running for a charity or simply to put a check check-mark on your bucket list, know that today you are amazing.

As much as I joke on this blog about how much I hate running, I have the utmost respect for all of you. The reality of the situation is, I couldn’t do what you’re doing today. The time, the commitment, the training sessions, the final event; I know it’s not in the cards for me. But you’re about to complete one of the most incredible tasks of your lives. I applaud you for everything that has brought you to this moment, and I will continue my applause all day, from the sidelines, because not everyone has a marathon in them. YOU do.

You are strong, you are determined. You may be fast, you may be slow, but all that matters is that you’re here, and you’re about to run.

And to my friends Kristen, Steph, and Corey who are running today, this message goes out to you three especially. Good luck on the course, have fun, and most importantly, keep an eye out for me at Mile 25. I’ll give you Swedish Fish. And maybe a mimosa if you ask politely.

You can also check out my Marathon Monday post from last year if you’d like, complete with some thoughts about the inspirational men and women who run this race every year. Enjoy! Happy Marathon Monday everyone!